Signs That Your Colleagues Are Struggling, and What to Do…
The blog discusses how to identify subtle signs that colleagues in the veterinary profession might be struggling with mental health challenges and offers advice on how to provide support without causing offense or making them feel worse.
Many of us spend so much time at work that our colleagues feel more like family or close friends, especially when we take on the stresses and pressures of veterinary life together. This feeling of being 'in it together' can strengthen team bonds and provide comfort and support, but it can also make it easy to miss the signs that someone in the team is struggling.
My experience…
I’ve experienced my fair share of mental health challenges during my veterinary career – I embody the perfectionist streak that’s so common in our profession. When I graduated, I was suddenly blindsided by the feeling that I wasn’t good enough or didn’t know enough, so of course, I threw all of my energy into trying to make sure nobody found out! At a time when I was already under a lot of pressure to learn on the job, put my knowledge into practice, and learn new skills, it was tough keeping up the façade that I was coping… succeeding… and even enjoying it. After all, this was all I’d ever wanted to do and I knew I should be grateful.
It lasted all of three months. I broke down at a work social event and admitted some of my fears to a colleague. Since then I've received support in different forms, from colleagues, bosses, friends and family, and therapists. I've often felt much better, but I've also relapsed and had moments when those imposter thoughts would win and I'd feel like I was a new grad again, not someone with over ten years of clinical experience. It's a work in progress, but I could never have started if I hadn't opened up.
How to spot subtle signs that your colleague might need support
During those first three months, it wasn't obvious that I was struggling. I turned up and did my job well, I asked a few questions but was often self-sufficient, I shared jokes with colleagues, chatted about my weekend, and probably appeared to be doing just fine. No one could tell I was lying awake at night going over the cases I'd seen and whether there was anything I could have missed. No one saw me subtly checking all of the cases I'd seen when I was on call to make sure none had died and I did my best to hide the 'doom feeling' if I found one that had, while I frantically searched for clues about whether I was at fault or it was unrelated.
In such a high-performing career, it's natural that many fight to avoid showing signs of weakness. However, that does mean it's more challenging for the rest of the team to support them. So, what signs might suggest that a colleague is having a tough time personally or professionally?
- They’re not around for breaks
When things feel tough, it sometimes feels like all you can do is keep going. If you have a colleague who regularly works through their breaks, it could be a sign that they’re feeling overwhelmed. On the other hand, if a colleague usually spends their breaks with the rest of the team but they start choosing to be alone, this could be a sign that they’re struggling.
- Their timings change
When dealing with mental or physical health challenges, it’s hard work just getting out of the door in the morning. These issues can also go hand in hand with poor sleep, making mornings even harder. A colleague who is suddenly regularly late for work, or unusually early for work if they have been unable to rest and can’t switch off, may need some support.
- They’re picky about the work they do
This one I can personally relate to – when you’re a vet or vet nurse and feeling anxious, stressed, burned out, etc. you might start to protect yourself (consciously or unconsciously) by avoiding consults or surgeries that seem more challenging. It’s important to understand this because it’s easy, as a colleague, to become frustrated. After all, if a vet who you believe is more than capable appears not to be doing their fair share of the work, or leaving the harder bits for someone else, your initial assumption might be that they’re lazy, can’t be bothered, or don’t care about their colleagues. But what if there was another reason? What if they are just in survival mode?
How can you help a colleague who’s struggling?
Every relationship between two colleagues is different, and how you approach offering help and support will depend on your unique relationship. However, these tips could be useful in getting started:
- Ask ‘Is everything okay?’
Perhaps a good place to start is being gently curious when there's no one else around, without creating any pressure for them to share. You might find that they’re relieved to have been asked or that starting the conversation leads to more natural opportunities for them to share going forward. If 'Is everything okay?' seems too broad or pointed, consider a more specific conversational question like 'How was your day?' to get the conversation going.
- Let them know you’re concerned, without judgement
If they say everything’s fine or avoid the question, it might be appropriate to say you're concerned about them. Avoid listing specific observations as evidence if they could be interpreted as criticism, for example, ‘I noticed you were late today’ – letting your colleague know that they’re not managing to keep up appearances is likely to make them feel much worse. This could lead them to be more self-critical and worry more about what management thinks or their job security. Instead, identify yourself quickly as someone who cares and wants to help, then give them time to process.
- Share your own challenges
Sharing is hard, especially if it seems like everyone else is finding the job easy or taking it in their stride. Starting a two-way dialogue where you show your vulnerability and fallibility by sharing a recent case or situation that you found difficult could help you seem more approachable to your colleague.
- Work on whole-team wellbeing
As to whether you should or shouldn’t share your concerns for your colleague with your boss… for me, there's no clear-cut answer. Of course, if you are concerned for their safety or that of their patients, letting someone trusted in management know is probably unavoidable. However, letting management know if your colleague has confided in you could damage your relationship and prevent you from helping them further. Whether you share your specific concerns with your boss or not, suggesting that the practice clearly signposts support services like Vetlife and promotes team wellbeing by encouraging team members to listen to their needs, take time out when they need it, and share their struggles, will remove any stigma around needing help and benefit the colleague indirectly. You may do this by introducing wellbeing rounds, Schwartz rounds (after suitable training) or through wellbeing training, like ourHALT workshopsand HALT campaign.
Summary
It’s not always easy to spot the signs that a colleague is having a hard time, and even if you have a suspicion, trying to find the right words to get them to open up or accept support without causing offense or making them feel worse is another challenge. Look out for changes in their usual routine and behaviours, and let them know gently and compassionately that you’re concerned about them, without making them feel cornered or judged. Signpost sources of support, and if you have serious concerns for your colleague’s safety, speak to someone you trust in the management team.
